I Need A Re-up

Hello everyone?! Man, it sure has been awhile since I've posted anything here on the blog. I guess it's because I've been counting on others, or 'things' to happen. I'm not going to put the blame on everybody, but let's just say that they've said or made certainty that moves were going to happen, and they just didn't. I'll admit, I was part of the blame, but I think the majority of it was, they said they'd keep me in the loop, and they didn't.

At this point, the dreams that I had of making a difference in my community, doing things for the environment are completely different from how they do things. But it didn't mean I wasn't up for trying to understand how they do things; their ideas and their methods. They just didn't want to hear any of mine. So, I walked away from it. For now.

In the near future, I would like to speak on what I'd do to continue what my dreams and visons are for the community. I've already written it down in my planner for the upcoming day when I'm going to be sharing it with all of you. Please sign up for my newsletter so that you will all be informed.

When I say "I need a re-up", I mean that. It almost feels like I need a cleanse of some sort. I'm just unsure of where to start. I'm in Los Angles, California at the moment, and I wonder how it would be if I tried harder at things. For the past couple of months, I've felt that I've been half-assing stuff.

At the moment, I'm reuploading Why Run?! episodes to Spotify going all the way back from mid-January to now. Even though I'm happy that I have the time to catch up while being here in California; Rob & I are both relaxing and spending time in between uploads. The thing that can suck is that I am constantly being reminded of how much I need to be(slash) should be doing.

I'm the type pf person where I need to have goals that are going to not just benefiting others, but benefiting me too. I need to feel like I'm making a difference. When I'm back in Arizona, this type of work (writing a blog, uploading videos to Spotify), still makes me feel unaccomplished. No matter how many posts, no matter how descriptive, no matter how much I choose and edit pictures to go along with what the topic (slash) blog is about, I still feel like I've done nothing once I publish them. When I feel that, I feel no joy.

I have loads of things to re-up. And I hate the fact that I have to take things one task at a time and focus on the one thing, the very things that bring me joy. Stay on things that move me. And most of all, keep on the things that fulfill me to the max. You too?! Well then. Let's go!

<3 Audie

I Missed Out

My Sweet Boy, Pants ♥

Greetings everybody! Back in Arizona from California. And ah yes! Happy Thanksgiving! I am glad to be back in Arizona because I have all my art supplies here waiting for me ready to go. When I was in California, I went on a Black Friday shopping spree online at most art supply stores. Well, At least I tried to.

I went ham on large scale canvases. The plan was, was that I was going to order my canvases online, but to have them picked up by my parents in Arizona while I was in California. But, everything had to be done separate. It was just nuts. I ordered my large canvases all at once to only have them raise a red flag in my online shopping cart that half of my canvases were available at two separate stores. And of course, the store tracks your location, so it was trying to have me go to different parts of Los Angeles to pick them up like a scavenger hunt. I was NOT with it.

So, I had to go down my entire shopping list to have me choose new pick-up locations that have canvases available near my new residence in L.A., And then my other canvases had to be picked up in my second place of residence here in Arizona, AND THEN my other purchases that were supposedly sold out in stores could only be shipped. So I had those shipped to my home in L.A.

When I finally made it back here to Arizona, my dad informed me that they didn't have the canvases available anymore when he went to pick them up. The only thing that he could retrieve were the paints I purchased. It was such a weird thing to go through. Nearly every artist went as crazy as I did trying to snag the largest canvas. It pissed me off honestly because those were the best deals us artists can get out of the entire year. So, I missed out on that. HOWEVER, I do still have the four canvases I picked up in L.A. and brought them all the way home with me.

My mom asked me just today what I was going to paint on them. And I'm going to tell you the same thing that I told her. "I have no idea." Before heading to California, I brought out wooden shelves that I planned months ago on spray painting. I wanted to take them with me to work on there. but I figured I wasn't going to have any time doing it. And here, I had all the time in the world. I guess now, maybe I didn't bring them because I didn't want to overwhelm myself. I mention the shelves because I actually ended up storing them back into my closet. Perhaps next week I can begin working on them.

I can't believe I have so much work to do. I'm excited, and I can't wait to get started. But real big question is, where am I going to get started. I guess you and I have to find out on Instagram and Tiktok. So be sure to check out my reels, okay?! I will be recording an episode to Audie's Art Podcast so, be sure to check that out today. Follow me on my social medias for links, and stay creating people. I luv u all. Peace.

♥Audie

Isn't It Just Like That?!

When you haven't completed anything that you know you have to get done before moving onto another project, you confidently volunteer yourself into another thing that isn't even yours. Ugh! (dot dot dot) I just did that.

Now let me tell you what's going to happen next. Right now, I am feeling so much regret. I'm already feeling the need to back out, quit, abort, CANCELLING. Yes. I have a good rep on quitting everything I start. It feels good. It feels freeing.

That's my motivation for today. Just quit.

Yeah. Just quit. Who are you to them?! Really. Things can and always do feel like it's the right thing to do; the right moves. You feel involved, you feel a part of something important. You feel needed, you feel like you are making the right choices; and that everything you contribute will be well acknowledged. But I guess where I'm stuck is, who is it really benefitting?!

I suppose I don't mind being a stick-in-the-mud AGAIN but, if you already have the know-how, and that all you need to do next is to apply it somewhere, who receives all the praise?! At this point, it's all about stepping on you and your efforts too help them get ahead.

I don't want to think that's what's always going to happen. You have faith in things that will help everyone grow, including yourself but, will all the glory of your efforts be shared with you?!

It's not a selfish thing if they begin to accuse you of being ungrateful to the so-called opportunities they feel will help you. Sure, it can help. But it may not be what you need. At least at that precise moment when it is presented it to you. Real talk. It really doesn't help.

♥Audie